the 2013 christmas letter

if i ever actually did write a year-end letter, it’d be something like this.


dear friends,

as i reflect on the past year, i have a hard time knowing where to start. this is partially because i spent two and a half hours trying to get my kids to sleep last night because one wanted milk, the other’s throat hurt, no actually he wanted to HOLD the milk not drink it, and where did the dragon toy go because he has to hug it to sleep, no actually she really can’t sleep and she knows it because she has been trying for a whole 90 seconds, i feel a wet spot on the bed and it’s the milk spilling out of the spillproof cup that actually leaks damn those stupid things, but hey, at least it’s not pee, and i’m tired.

we’ve settled in pretty well at our new home, new school, and new daycare. we’re so lucky and we know it, ducky. my new shared office has both a window and a real door so you know i’m a baller. to be honest, i was terrified that the transition would be a nightmare for the kids, but it’s actually gone fairly smoothly for them. life in this neighborhood is a huge step up from the old one. instead of occasionally waking at 2 a.m. to hear middle schoolers taping cell phone videos of themselves rapping about mud, crud, and blood, we are waking multiple times to a resounding chorus of deep-voiced barking dogs doing call-and-answer songs. i’m not complaining. our new hood has a beach and a crabbing pier and even a boat ramp which we will maybe be able to use one day when we finish achieving the american dream.

i work in annapolis now, practically within spitting distance of the state house. it’s a lovely town with great views, the international hometown for the sport of sailing or something like that, and always teeming with great happy hour specials that i can never take advantage of. the problem is that i know nary a soul here except my two very nice coworkers and i can’t stand the lack of mean-spirited sarcastic human interaction. it is killing me. but i’m slowly building a rapport with the starbucks baristas and that’s just barely enough to keep me going.

my daughter is starting to develop the eyerolling habits of a teenager, but still believes in santa claus. as a person who never believed in santa and relished the role of ruining the childhoods of many santa believers, i’m starting to freak out about how this is going to traumatize her for life and break the last piece of childlike innocence in her little being. this makes me sad.

my son is becoming a toddler tyrant, all large and in charge, and in love with all things dinosaur and dragon. is it bad we’ve started referring to him as our Dear Leader? he has a school portrait taken at his daycare that looks like a propaganda distribution from north korea, our cherubic rosy-cheeked boy beaming and sitting tall with hands folded before a fake farm landscape backdrop. all hail Quinn Jong Il!

we grownups are doing just dandy besides the fact that my husband’s commute is a nightmare and he seems to have a knack for hitting all of his transfer points just minutes after the last train or shuttle has left.

despite the hangups and daily tantrums, we know we are extraordinarily blessed. we’re doing what we can to help those less fortunate in our community and i am trying with serious effort to be less negative nancy and more positive polly. (it’s not really working.)

so i wish you all a wonderful christmas and happy 2014 and hope that some day i will see you again since everyone acts like we might as well have moved to iowa.




9 thoughts on “the 2013 christmas letter

  1. Ohhh, you have me almost in tears here. I think this should have been illustrated with the referenced image of Our Dear Leader. And if we ever visit Maryland, we’re staying with you, your new digs sound awesome!

  2. Yes…I was almost in tears too! Your intro here was perfect, btw. And good luck with the santa thing…what do you think she’ll do when she realizes santa doesn’t exist, and has to keep up the facade for Dear Leader baby?

  3. I’m so not far away and I like making new friends! Let’s hit up Naptown and find new pals!
    Also, SP’s beach can be a super blast. I went a few times during summers in college and bonded with fellow sun-lovers. I swear it’s harder to make friends in colder weather. It’ll get better 🙂

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