i had two dreams in one night — in the first, i had just found out i was fired. i was walking past two dunkin donuts shops on a deserted street at night, with piles of snow all around but no people, and my gut sank as i realized i couldn’t even work there because they would never hire me. i felt like i had lost my footing and sense of place in the world, it was so crushing.

but just to remind me that things could always be worse, my second dream that same night led to pure terror, and the absolute worst feeling i’ve ever experienced. i watched from the top of a stairwell, where i was walking down the steps with my kids (maybe at a mall?), and the two of them ran off faster than me, wanting to beat each other. my toddler sped too quickly down the steps and slid through a crack in the railing, falling down the hole between the staircases, down multiple stories until landing what looked like a fence around a christmas display. i can’t even think about this without my heartbeat picking up speed again. it was horrific.

completely unrelated (or maybe deeply related?), just last night, i dreamt that i was in some fantastical place in korea, hanging out in a rural fancy-pagoda-looking building surrounded by water at night with fireflies all over the place. i was with a big group of people, friends old and new (what are the criteria for random friends who show up in dreams??!), but everyone kept moving to different rooms when i tried to join them. eventually i made my way outside because i was annoyed, and i walked down a dirt path by the water away from the pagoda house and saw some spirit animals made of calligraphy-brushed white translucent ink prancing by the path. (hey, it’s a dream) and then i really wanted to join them, so i somehow got to ride a ghost-dog-sled pulled by wolves back to the pagoda house. the whole thing was like a scene straight out of the video game okamiden but with deeper hues of blues, green and black as opposed to parchment and browns.

i don’t know if these dreams embody my deepest fears (work! loss! loneliness!) or mean nothing at all. but i can tell you this: them feelings wuz cray cray.


4 thoughts on “BUT WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN???

  1. wow – sorry about the scary content. Too much excitement in one night for an innocent mom just trying to get some sleep after surviving another busy day. (Had a few myself.) I rationalize that at “rest,” our fertile, creative and artistic minds (yours, not mine) are subject to the rare bizarre dream. The Korea part was fascinating! Maybe embrace that one for the makings of a great novel? Hah-I said it first.

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